Boundaries Are Our Relationship Bumpers

This is a quote from our clinic founder, Max Dahmen, LCSW. There’s a lot of talk about boundaries, but we find most people are still confused on what they are supposed to be. Boundaries don’t mean someone can’t make mistakes, or that we have to be perfect in a relationship. Boundaries are not about pushing people away, they are about helping each other see what is important to you and they are a guide on how to connect with each other better.

If you think about bumpers on a bowling lane, they are so simple that even little kids can use them! There is space so that even if someone accidentally aims the wrong way, we can correct as needed. They aren’t unreasonable or overwhelming. The problems only arise when someone forces their way past them, ignoring them entirely with force. Most people want to connect, and it’s OK to need some direction one how to connect with you and it’s also OK to give them that direction and put up the bumpers. Let us know if this analogy makes sense to you or if you have any thoughts about it.